Who doesn’t love self-care? I mean, the whole idea of it is alluring, it draws you in when you close your eyes and imagine yourself lying down in a spa somewhere getting a full body massage followed by beauty treatments at the spa. What woman doesn’t want that, more importantly what mom of 3 kids ages 7 and under doesn’t want that!? That is certainly the self care we are sold in magazines and on social media. An unachievable goal for many, both financially and physically.
This unattainable standard of self care is in reality unattainable for most of us. In fact being bombarded with these kinds of self care messages only leaves us feeling even more defeated, anxious, not to mention envious instead of doing the real self care work – taking inventory of our hearts.
I often struggle with self care simply because I just don’t have the time. Between packing school lunches, dropping off kids to school, cooking dinner, bathtime, trying to homeschool for 30 minutes each day after school – an impossible task by the way. I could go on and on. How could I possibly achieve being alone in a luxurious quiet room when I can barely spend five minutes alone in the bathroom to go number two without the “mommy, mom, mama” anthem kicking off. Even though I know I need self care, the idea of it not only makes me feel selfish, it gives me anxiety – because if I don’t do all this work, who will?
This dilemma led me down a rabbit hole of trying to understand what self care actually is from a Christian perspective. The Bible verse “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23) came to mind and led me to this article stating 3 reasons why you should guard your heart. This article talks about how we should guard our hearts because the heart is extremely valuable, it is the source of everything we do, and because our hearts are under constant attack. King Solomon says it is the “wellspring of life.” Essentially, it's the origin of all aspects of your life. From your heart influences your thoughts, expressions, and actions.
I often wonder if we are doing self care wrong. As someone who works full time in the marketing field, this is hard for me to say but I think marketing and the media really hit the nail on the head when it comes to making the public believe that self care is about overspending, overindulging, and selfishly putting yourself first.
I think it’s time to set the record straight on what self care really is. What if self care is not something we should work hard to achieve but rather something we should slow down to receive. What if self care is not about getting but about searching and receiving. If you are not Christian, you may not the familiar with the meaning of the grace of God so here’s a quick lesson on what God’s grace is.
Understanding God's Grace in Christianity
In Christianity, the concept of God's grace is fundamental to understanding the relationship between God and humanity. It's a central theme that embodies God's love, mercy, and forgiveness. To grasp the concept of God's grace, it's essential to explore what it means and how it plays a significant role in the Christian faith.
What is God’s Grace?
Grace is often defined as God's unmerited favor, love, and kindness extended to humanity. It's a gift from God that is freely given, and it cannot be earned through good works or personal merit. In other words, it's not something we deserve, but God chooses to give it to us out of His love and compassion.
Biblical Basis of God’s Grace:
The concept of grace is deeply rooted in the Bible. The New Testament, in particular, emphasizes God's grace as a central theme. One of the most well-known verses about grace is found in Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV):
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast."
This verse highlights that salvation, which is central to the Christian faith, comes through God's grace and our faith in Him, not through our own efforts or achievements.
The Key Aspects of God's Grace:
- Unconditional Love: God's grace is extended to all people, regardless of their past, mistakes, or shortcomings. It is rooted in God's boundless love for humanity.
- Forgiveness: Grace offers forgiveness for sins and the opportunity for a fresh start. It allows us to be reconciled with God despite our imperfections.
- Salvation: Through God's grace, Christians believe they are saved from the consequences of sin and have the promise of eternal life.
- Empowerment: Grace doesn't just cover past mistakes but also empowers believers to live a life aligned with God's will and values through the Holy Spirit's guidance.
Now that you have a better understanding of what God’s grace is, let’s go back to the topic of self care. What if self-care and God’s grace go hand-in-hand. Instead of spending hundreds to achieve an hour of relaxation, what if all we need to do is slow down the pace, let go of the race to achieve perfect instagram worthy “self-care” days, and just let God take care of our hearts.
Letting Go and Trusting god
As a mom of three young children, I would love to go to the spa and get a pedicure or a facial, but the truth is, that is not sustainable for me. One pedicure is not going to give my heart, mind, and soul the nourishment they desperately need. There’s a certain refueling of the heart that is a constant necessity when you give yourself fully to serve others on a daily basis. It’s the kind of nourishment no spa day can fix. It’s the kind of nourishment only God can fulfill.
John 15:1-4 explains it beautifully – “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”
The Bible verse John 15:1-4 serves as a poignant reminder that our ultimate source of nourishment and growth is God. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit if it is severed from the vine, we too cannot truly flourish without a deep-rooted connection to our Creator. In a world that often promotes self-care through material means—be it shopping, vacations, or therapeutic practices drawn from various traditions—we must remember that these are temporary solutions. Don’t get me wrong, all those things are great, I mean who doesn’t want personal wellness, resilience, stress-reduction, and achieving balance in life.
The Problem with Today’s Self-Care
Today’s ideas of self care offer momentary relief, but they cannot provide the lasting peace and fulfillment that comes from a relationship with God. John 15:1-4 tells us that God, the ultimate gardener, prunes us so that we may bear more fruit. This divine pruning may come in the form of challenges or periods of discomfort, but it is always aimed at our growth and betterment. By remaining in God, by making Him the cornerstone of our self-care regimen, we open ourselves up to a life that is not just fruitful, but also deeply fulfilling. So, when I think of self-care, I try to think beyond the superficial and focus on nurturing my spiritual connection with God, for only He can truly make me whole.
What’s missing in today’s conventional self-care routines is simply God and his amazing grace. Let’s pivot and talk about self-care from a Christian perspective. For starters, Christian self-care is rooted in God’s grace. It is not just about personal well-being, but about aligning oneself with the truth of God’s word and resting in his mercy – “Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) The overarching purpose is to glorify God and grow in a deeper relationship with Him. Here are three key self care principles from a Christian perspective:
- Foundation: Christian self-care is rooted in Biblical principles and the teachings of Jesus Christ. It is about nurturing the relationship with God as well as taking care of the body, which is considered the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
- Focus: While it includes aspects of physical health and emotional well-being, Christian self-care places significant emphasis on spiritual health. Practices may include prayer, scripture reading, worship, fellowship with other believers, and sacraments (e.g., Communion).
- Purpose: The overarching purpose is to glorify God and grow in a deeper relationship with Him.
The Difference Between Self-Care and God’s Grace
Let’s start by taking a look at what self-care means. Self-care is the practice of taking intentional steps to prioritize our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It involves setting healthy boundaries, engaging in activities that nurture us, and being mindful of our needs. However, our human nature can easily confuse self-care with being self obsessed and being self-centered. One way of combating this is putting God at the center of your life. In its pure form, self-care is a necessary aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves and those around us. The only true way we can achieve the level of self care that will help us bloom and flourish is by relying on God’s abundant grace.
The Meaning of God’s Grace in the Bible
So now let’s jump into the topic of grace. The more I learn about the meaning of grace from a biblical perspective, the more excited and humbled I get. Grace is the unmerited and undeserved favor and love that God shows to us. It is the acceptance and forgiveness we receive through faith in Jesus Christ and the free gift that he gave us (See Romans 5:15-17). This article by the Bible Project does a wonderful job of diving deeper into what the biblical meaning of God’s grace is, for example, how biblical grace differs from the word grace in the English language. It is important to note that God’s grace is free, we don’t earn brownie points for it, there is no ladder to climb. Romans 11:6 says “But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.” We can confidently come to his throne as we are, imperfect sinners.
How not to Cross the Fine Line between Self-Care and Selfishness
It is so easy to use self care as an excuse to neglect doing the right thing, helping or serving others, or not practicing self control. As a mother of three little ones, self care often feels like being selfish. But I also find myself sometimes neglecting to do the right thing in the name of self-care. Busy moms need time off no doubt, and we need to be nurtured, but at what cost? Let’s ponder on this question. I think we all agree that prioritizing ourselves should be a priority. However, should self care be a priority at the cost of not helping others, not serving others, not giving our children the attention they need in times of trouble, not prioritizing your health or mental well being? Is your behavior focused solely on yourself, often at the expense of others? If your self care routine involves ignoring the needs of others, acting entitled, and disregarding the consequences of one's actions on others, it can sometimes lead to a selfish heart.
Rooting your self care routine in God’s unconditional love and grace is the best guide for practicing selfless self care and putting into practice healthy habits that affect those around you in a positive way. As Christians, we are called to extend grace to others (Colossians 4:6). Embracing God’s grace means providing ourselves with the necessary love, patience, and acceptance to create balance in our lives. It means recognizing that we are imperfect and making space for ourselves to grow and learn. By integrating the concepts of self-care and God’s grace, we can cultivate a deeper sense of well-being and live more fulfilling lives while shining a light on others (Matthew 5:16).
The Benefits of Centering your Self Care Practices on God’s Grace
Here are some key benefits that you might experience when you give up on today’s unrealistic standards of self care that are driven by social media likes but instead focus on doing the inner work that really matters.
Increased emotional well-being: Taking care of yourself with the help of God will improve your emotional well-being and reduce stress and anxiety. When we look to God’s grace and remember that he gifted us the forgiveness of sins - "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace" (Ephesians 1:7). Knowing this allows us to take care of ourselves unselfishly and help us make room to be more present and available for others.
I find that when I take time to read God’s word, it gives me more peace and clarity, and enables me to respond with calm instead of reacting to challenging life situations. For example, my husband is self-employed and runs a business and – Which means I stay home with the kids most of the time, working full-time from home and doing school runs and extracurricular activities drop offs. This can be a lot, which is why I try my best to start of my day right with a little bit of self care, and for me that begins with acknowledging God and the gifts he has given me, then asking him to help me have compassion towards myself and everyone I interact with throughout the day, especially my kids.
Improved relationships: God’s grace allows us to have an abundant life - "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10). When we practice Christ-centered self-care, we are more likely to have healthy relationships with others. Resting in God’s grace enables us to communicate our needs clearly and set appropriate boundaries, which helps us develop more fulfilling relationships.
As I mentioned before, being a full-time working mom can be challenging, and isolating. I find myself sometimes craving more friendships with women in my life that are going through similar life experiences as me. This doesn’t always come easy, especially as an immigrant. The few friends that I do have I hold dear to my heart. As a busy mom, I may not always be able to attend events and gatherings, but those healthy boundaries allow me to be my authentic self, and having friends that understand this is golden.
Increased productivity: I used to think of self-care as a waste of time. To be honest, I still do most times. Although self-care doesn’t come naturally to me, I can’t deny its benefits. On days I do invest in a little self-care time, I have noticed that it improves my productivity, reduces stress, and increases my energy levels. Self care helps me achieve more wins in a day and amplifies my personal and professional endeavors.
Self care that is driven by God’s grace gives me strength in times of weakness – "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9). So whenever I am having a bad day where I just feel sorry for myself or defeated, I try my best to remember to look to God. I don’t always do thi, but boy does it boost me up and increase my productivity for the day when I do.
Improved physical health: We all want to live healthy lives, but with busy life schedules it’s not always easy to achieve this goal. That’s why an intentional self-care plan that is rooted in God’s grace and love is essential. You are probably tired of reading this but relying on ourselves to achieve a healthy level of self-care is almost impossible without feeling some type of guilt or shame. We all know that practicing self-care can improve physical health by promoting healthy habits such as exercise, healthy eating, and sufficient rest. But when you do this in a selfish way that makes you unable to help others when in need or when you obsess over your routine so much it can lead you down the path of narcissism or perfectionism.
Giving ourselves space to fail and room to help others during our self-care journey helps us live fulfilled lives. Roman 5:1-2 says “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand." Sometimes remembering that we are already justified and that we have peace with God is enough to get me through the day. Sometimes, we might take one step forward and two steps back. That’s why celebrating the little wins and accepting imperfections can help us enjoy the physical health benefits of self care even more.
- Positive role modeling: Did you know? It’s possible to practice self care while also being mindful of others and the impact our actions may have on them. Self care that is rooted in works can sometimes undermine the benefits of simply doing nothing and resting. Romans 11:6 says “And if by grace, then it cannot be based on works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace." Self-care that is only based on work is exhausting. The truth is, we cannot practice loving self care on our own. Embracing God’s grace gives us the humility we need to live authentic lives that inspire others around us.
- Greater self-awareness: I have found that wherever I take away all the attention from myself and place it on God, things seem to fall into place better than I expected. Christ-centered self care leaves me feeling an increased sense of purpose. It helps me understand that taking care of myself is not just about my own well-being, but also about being able to serve and care for others more effectively.
When my heart and mind are centered on Christ, I am less anxious, I yell at my kids less, and I have more patience and compassion. It also makes me remember that God sent his son as a sacrifice for us so that we may be forgiven for our sins and have an abundant life – "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) and freedom from sin – "For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace." (Romans 6:14)
I leave you with some of the self-care tips I have started putting into place to help me do the inner work that will leave me feeling more connected to God, my husband, and my children:
- Daily Prayer and Meditation: Start your day by spending time in prayer and meditating on God's Word. This helps you center your thoughts and invites God's presence into your day.
- Sabbath Rest: Honor the Sabbath by taking a day off from work and other worldly concerns. Use this time to rest, recharge, and focus on your relationship with God.
- Fasting: Consider incorporating fasting into your routine as a way to deepen your spiritual connection and discipline. Fasting can help you focus on God and can be a form of spiritual cleansing.
- Community Worship: Regularly attend church services and engage in community worship. Being part of a faith community can provide emotional and spiritual support.
- Gratitude Journal: Keep a gratitude journal where you list things you're thankful for. This practice aligns with Biblical teachings on gratitude and can significantly improve your outlook on life.
- Acts of Kindness: Follow Jesus' example by performing acts of kindness and service. Whether it's volunteering at a local charity or simply helping a neighbor, these actions are a form of self-care that also glorifies God.
- Scripture Memorization: Memorize verses that speak to you and your situation. Having God's Word in your heart can serve as a quick source of comfort and guidance throughout the day.
By incorporating these Christian and Biblical disciplines into my self-care routine, I hope I can start cultivating a life that is not just physically and emotionally fulfilling, but spiritually enriching as well – and I hope the same for you.